Posted in My Work, Ramblings

december

21 days left in 2020. Everyone talks about New Year resolutions, but what about end of year resolutions. And what about all those other sentiments such as “its not the destination but the journey” or “its not how you avoid conflict, it’s how you face it.” Well, 2020 is just about finished- how will it end for you? Will you start to make changes now or wait for something else to change you? Continue reading “december”

Posted in My Work, Ramblings, true story

Blackout Tuesday – time to listen

I live in Philadelphia which, as you know, has had a series of protests, rioting, and looting.

There has been a city-wide curfew for days now. I was working inside a building while it was being boarded up by management and on my way home I saw my bustling city quiet and empty. Many businesses were boarded up either out of protection or because they had windows already busted. Last night I was woken by explosions across the city and the hashtag “phillyexplosions” was trending on Twitter at 2am.

On social media, I am seeing a lot of people sad and/or outraged but their triggers are sometimes different.

People are angry at looters.
People are angry at cops.
People are angry with government.
And some people are frightened as well.

A lot of people are feeling frightened by the looting and rioting. People are afraid their homes will be targeted if they have an American flag. They are fearing for their children who are yound and afraid. They are preparing to protect themselves and their neighbors by any means necessary.

Yes, it’s been an upsetting few days for many who have lost property, been targeted, and felt unsafe in their own homes.

I’m sorry if the looters and rioters have scared you, they scare me too. I’m sorry you feel unsafe in your own home or feel targeted for something like the American Flag. Imagine being targeted for something you can’t take down like say,  oh- the color of your skin.  And not for just a few days, but for a few hundred years. Are you scared? Maybe you should be. I am certainly not condoning rioting or looting, I think it’s terrible, but I think it’s a terrible side effect of something larger.  Here’s what I mean;

Rioting & Looting are very much like vomiting and diarrhea: alone they are stupid and ugly and no one needs to be told how terrible they are.  But oftentimes they are symptoms of a much larger health problem.  And this world is very unhealthy. Keep treating the symptoms if ya want, but I do not recommend ignoring the deeper issues at hand.

And let’s not even get into the part about how these people afraid of looting have every right and government support to protect themselves. That may not feel like a luxury but it is because not every American can protect themselves without getting in trouble. There have been too many videos of authorities allowing people to assemble with weapons to protect merchandise but being violent against people assembling to protest.

So here comes the “not are cops are bad” people”.

Not all cops are bad – sure, but the ones who are, do not receive any reprimanding. They get slapped on the wrist.  However, when there’s a bad black man, he dies.  Black men  who are maybe bad are dead. Black people who some think are bad-ish are dead.  Black people who “look bad” are dead. And black people who catch the wrong cop on the wrong day are dead.

So while I agree that not all cops are bad, I’m not terribly concerned with their well being as a whole. I know cops die in the line of duty and I fear for them and for those I know personally who serve. But they chose that life, that job, that risk, that stigma. God bless them.

Black people did not choose to be hated.

So when people worry about “all cops” being grouped together (not unlike a prejudice against skin color) or about the violence and selfishness of looters instead of the violence of humans against humans- authorities against civilians – I begin to worry.

A part of me is frightened and confused about where the world is right now.  We have a pandemic going on, innocent lives being slaughtered in the streets, and white supremacy seems to be rampant within our own political system. Yes I did just say that because that’s what it seems like and if I’m wrong; prove it to me.

Prove it to me.

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The History Of White Supremacy in America

 

Prove it to me.

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Racial Inequality in American Public Schools

 

Prove it to me with change.

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Breonna Taylor shooting

I also try to remember that right now I am a female who’s currently wearing pants which once upon a time was unheard of. I’m a female who is employed and owns property of her own. So I know the world has made some progress in some areas and that makes me hopeful.

Unfortunately, sometimes you do not see progress unless push really does come to shove.  And when you compare the shove of looters to the shove of that man’s knee on the neck of an innocent man I know which one outrages me more.

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That’s why when people see only the riots and wonder “how will they make a change.” To that I say, “well it got your attention”. And I ask: What will you do now that you’ve been emotionally affected? Will you choose to hate the looters, or try to understand the protesters? Will you be upset about commerce and economy, or will you mourn with the families who have lost loved ones? Will you read the news from today or remember history?

Time is a problem. Humans live in bubbles. And those bubbles are getting smaller. We struggle to understand Darwin’s “theory” (and let’s remember it is just that: a theory) because we cannot grasp the concept of time required for evolution to take place. Our great-grandparents lived through plagues and wars and told us to expect more but we separate ourselves from history and think we are different. People respected the Coronavirus until it became boring, then social distancing lessoned. People see rioters and have already forgotten that days ago an innocent man was killed in public. How do I know he was innocent? I know because this is America and you are “innocent until proven guilty”. That is why the theater killer and the church killer are still alive. Two white boys who were proud of their separate actions and neither was harmed when taken down.  One even tried to booby trap the police, but he’s still alive.

People cannot seem to go beyond the small circle of their own brains. They seem incapable of reaching beyond themselves to see hints of truth, let alone the harsh, blunt, painful truth. Perhaps they are too frightened to search.

So today’s blog is a challenge to listen. Listening is so important and so many people are emotionally and mentally deaf. Listen to history. Listen to the survivors of hate. Listen to the survivors of injustice. Listen to more than just the latest news brief, more than just convenient conspiracy theories. Dive deeper, learn more, try to heal yourself. Because if you are only worried about the looters & do not understand why they exist, you are broken. If you are only worried about supporting or hating the cops, the system has succeeded in creating another blind subject. You are more than today’s news. You are more than your own life. You are a product of generations, of evolution, of humankind. It is a vast and complicated history that plays host to some very ugly, horrific truths. But until we are ALL willing to listen, and learn, we will never be ready to evolve, and change.

And change, is clearly what we need. The old ways have not been successful, today’s methods are not successful, help humanity evolve into a better place, and broaden your mind.

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“Come up with a better way”

If that is too difficult for you, seek some assistance. We all need help sometimes. But do try. Do think. Do evolve.

 

“When we talk about systemic racism, we’re not just talking about Black lives killed by police with no accountability. We’re not just talking about Black lives killed by COVID-19. We’re not just talking about a third of Black children in our country living in poverty, and millions of Black kids going to totally inadequate schools. We’re not just talking about Black women having a maternal death rate three times the rate of white women, and Black families owning 1/10th the wealth of white families. Instead, we are talking about a system of pervasive racism that impacts every aspect of our lives. This has got to end. We need equity for Black people, for Brown people, and for all who are marginalized and made disposable in a system and an economy that treats millions of people as unworthy of the basic decency of human respect.”
-Bernie Sanders

 

Posted in My Work, short story, true story, writing

“You Are Beautiful.”

A tiny little story by i.e.faber.


It’s been the kind of month where each week just gets worse. Each week you think, “This’ll be the week I get on top of things”, but you don’t. You fall down like you slip on ice. You don’t even see it and next, you’re on your ass. How’d I get here again?

I work all day and the few hours I have at home are dedicated to preparing myself for the next 13hrs of work. The next struggle. I’ve been working nonstop and yet somehow still have bills past due. At work, no one acknowledges my talents or successes so I wonder why I bother. Heck, people don’t even know my name. Not my neighbors or coworkers, or even my clients who I’ve been working with for years. People in the streets practically bump into me like I’m invisible.

Invisible.

I feel invisible.

Rushing off to work I turn the corner just in time to see the bus pull away. It’s fun to sit on the sidewalk in the freezing cold waiting for the next bus. I should know – I do it all the time. But I have such little time, I use this moment to do some work emails. Hat on, giant coat, bones aching, feeling old and worn out I type on my phone hoping my fingers don’t freeze. I missed the bus because my running was hindered by a limp. Am I so old now my hips are going?

What am I even doing with my life?

What is the point?

“Miss. Miss? MISS!”

“HUH?”  I look up to see a very old man bundled in a hooded coat too large for him hobble over slowly on his cane to speak to me.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just crossed several seas to tell you this: you are beautiful. I can see you have no trouble being beautiful, I simply wanted to tell you in person.”

“HA! Thanks,” I mumble to my phone.
Then, feeling bad that I ignored the only human being who acknowledged my presence in days, I glance up to say something,

but he’s gone.

Then the bus arrives.

It wasn’t until later that evening while brushing my teeth and inspecting the bags under my eyes that his words settle in my brain. How could he even see me to think I was pretty when I was crouched down and so bundled up? Where did he come from? And did he say he crossed “seas”? Surely he meant “streets”? So strange.

But he didn’t say pretty,

he said beautiful.

Posted in My Work, Ramblings, writing

New Year, New Decade, Same Me.

 

“Be sure to poop before midnight so you don’t carry your old sh*+  with you into the new year.”

A bit much? Perhaps, but really there are just some things we can’t control. It’s a New Year AND a New Decade and everyone is filled with motivation for self-improvement and success, but what of those who are not or cannot? Some things aren’t as easily shed, some pasts, some habits, some hurts, are not as simple to dispose of. Continue reading “New Year, New Decade, Same Me.”

Posted in My Work, Ramblings, true story, Uncategorized

The Inconvenience​ of Death

This post is from 8 months ago when I lost a dear family member before her time. Sadly, I have reason to post this again due to the untimely death of yet another loved one. This time for George. 

 

A phrase I often use, in various situations, is “Life Gets In the Way”. We all try to achieve certain things, keep up with good habits, stay in touch with friends and family, but the everyday wheels of the machine of life do tend to get in the way. We let that flow direct our moves and take over our choices. Things need to get done after all. Life moves on. Unless of course, it doesn’t. If we cannot stall our daily life machine enough to step away from the factory of events, there is another who has the power to do so, for all of eternity: Death. Continue reading “The Inconvenience​ of Death”